Falter.

I have learned to never overestimate the good in life.
Lets just say Im back on "body" support.

Im coming off of a 5 week stretch of healthy-feeling-jubilee and Im only short 4 days of week 6 when my body completely fails beneath me. It could be declared as unprecedented, although Im sure its written in the history books countless times. The pain is back, rippling through ever muscle tissue and not even the hydrocodone helps me. Im back in my braces [knee and torso], barely making it through the past few days and Im leashing myself in, forcing myself not to complain or tell anyone what is really bothering me. I say its my life that I hate, seeing as that cannot be deemed a lie, because well, this is my life; endometriosis, anemia, poorly healed bone fractures and arthritis. this IS my life.

I think Ive found my outlet for pain.
I help others where no one else can help me. I try to be affluent with words and persuasive in morality when talking to the ones I care about the most. Hopefully I can save THEM before they become like me.

---------------------------------------------

AND if I had forgotten my love for theatre, it allllll came flooding back tonight.
I was like a silly kid in a candy store tonight.
Giddy, excited, jittery.
Something about looking into the rafters and seeing the different refractions of the light off of the grids that no one else normally sees, or noticing when no one else in the audience does that the light cue was just a fraction of a second too slow, or when after only seeing two rehearsals I can recite the actors lines when he loses his or her train of thought. That would probably earn me a freak-card but I dont care. Its a passion that I love, but cannot take part in unless its set design and construction.
AND in the senior directed shows tonight, specifically Speech and Debate, a play about two boys struggle with being gay and taking the responsibilities for it, the lovely Idina Menzel was referenced.
Ah theatre, how I love you so.

From the second Senior Direct:
Our dreams are beautiful, Our fate is sad- Shadow Box

It was a magnificent performance. When audience members are tearing up at the end of a performance you know damn well that the message came across perfectly. Shadow Box portrayed people's fear of dying and the denial and pain that comes along with letting a loved one go even when its best to end their suffering, especially when they are battling a life altering disease [ironic i know, maybe thats why my mom was crying]. But none the less, the young actors and actresses of my schools theatre department deserve a big Kudos for their preparation over the last 2 months. It paid off nicely.  Jen Kucholtz and Jordan Taylor deserve big thanks as well, they were the directors after all!