On Terms of Endearment...


Today I decided to doodle a tattoo on my friends wrist in our psychology class and we're pretty tight so it wasnt weird or anything, usually Im shaky if I have to touch anyone I dont really know. But when I had to hold the skin tight on the ball of her hand I could feel her heart beat and it was so different than mine, that it actually turned me on. Maybe just because it was so different, intricate, delicate, I guess...if you will. Im used to my off-kilter murmured heart beating and here I am introduced to a normal, healthy heartbeat that felt so beautiful under my fingertips. I didnt know what to do with myself, I was entranced, didnt want to let go; I felt what normal felt like for a few solitary minutes. Ill probably never feel that for myself, in my own body. So, I guess I wasnt turned on in a sexual way, I just loved the feeling of something so wonderful, happy, healthy, beautiful under my own touch, like it was something Id never experienced before [because well, its not]. BUT on the sexual side of the situation, the heffer knows I have a hand fetish and decides to grind her fingernails up the inside of my hand while Im drawing. She got a glare from me and she just gave me  an over exaggerated wink and air-kiss. [ON A SIDE NOTE:] this friend isnt ordinary though, haha. shes been with her boyfriend for over a year but shes very open to any relationship, being what shes in, meaning she wouldnt care if she were dating a girl if it felt right with that girl. so we've gotten pretty close and its like we have our own little friend dates like we're lovers but we're not, it doesnt make sense to describe it...I guess its like the feeling of belonging with a best friend, like you know things cant and wont ever be awkward so anything can happen. so we have our little sexual remarks that COULD mean something and COULD be acted on but dont really NEED to be acted on. I think finding comfort with people is one of the greatest feelings to experience. 

Started taking Pristiq, which is used for depression, but in my case it's being used to combat the pain associated with my endometriosis. If this medication doesnt work I have to go to pain management/a pain specialist to figure out what to do. I am very scared to take any antidepressant. 

ALSO: my government and art teachers are amazing. simply amazing. Ill write more later. 


Mama got skills.


My mom is definitely a badass.
Tonight was our senior bonfire [ FINALLY ] and the boys got a bit carried away and started dumping water and complete cooler-fulls of ice onto people; well when they ran out of water, they found the ketchup and mustard and started a rampage (like the idiots they always are) and someone got mad. WELL, a kid squirted mustard into this guys ear and got more than he meant to on the guys WHITE shorts. The angry kid then proceeds to choke and tackle the mustard slinger...MY MOTHER throws herself between them, and makes them stop. my mother is badass. i was in awe. dont get in her way.


also, today marked the first year since my brutal horse accident last year. and im still in a knee brace. FML.



Time goes by...so slowly...


It has been ages since Ive actually sat down and written something wholesome.

Ive been paying hard attention to the time lately, seeing as how its almost the year anniversary of what Lauren and I used to have. Ive spent the majority of the day wondering how much different it would be if she and I were still together, if the feelings were still as strong as they were for those 8 months when we hid our relationship in the dark corners of a high school merely lurking about at equality. I see her usually on a daily basis and the sting on unrequited love is finally starting to wear off, thankfully. There were times earlier this year that I would want her back so badly, and I think I honestly, truly do want her back, regardless of the pain she put me through.

Ill finish this later...

This is later:
I wish I could have kept my shit together and blogged more frequently because everything Ive wanted to blog about has either disappeared to the back of my mind or just lost its importance. So from now on I plan to be a better blogger. ALSO, Ive been trying to blog through text and when I check online the text isnt coherent to what I originally typed.

Something I observed today:
I love women that have to confidence to go braless in skin-tight v-neck t-shirts out in a public shopping bizaar when the weather isnt just the right summer temperature yet in Texas. She gets the award for being titsy, literally and philosophically. [FYI, I coined that term, it's not in the dictionary, ALTHOUGH I may just put it up on urbandictionary]. I also found it so fucking attractive. Confidence is definitely something my girl must have; Confidence is like the biggest thing I even look for. I need someone to fill in for my reserved, peacefulness. 

The Best Friend:
Everything about my best friend is perfect. Well...perfect in the sense of everything I find genuine in a person. We've gotten so close over this past year its unbelievable; we had met our freshman year in high school and were pretty tight that freshman summer and once sophomore year started and I had transferred schools we grew a bit apart, we still talked and had each other's backs when one of us needed to talk and everything but it wasnt until our junior summer that we started hanging out more frequently and binding our friendship every day. Over this past year we've both gone through gruesome break-ups and new loves and we've knocked the sense into each other about what is really important; I think we'll thank each other for that later. And now, two weeks from our high school graduation we're already assigned to the same UNT dormroom and planning all of our summer trips. We take weekly trips to the mall farthest away from our houses, within the limits of what we can travel and make a routinely IKEA run, picking out, arguing and finally agreeing on what colors we'll use for our dorm; it's like we're just living together like we have practically been doing for the past year, its so energizing. I want my girlfriend to have alot of her qualities. 

Best Quotes of the Weekend:
[at Six Flags over Texas on the Orchestra Festival Trip]
me- "holy shit, wonder woman...DAYUM...!"
mrs duston- :aaaaaaahahahahaha, wow:
me- "oh..my god...Im so sorry, I didnt..."
mrs duston- "...oh no Ive know you were for a long time, and I agree :funny smirk:"


[at TMTD with all the family and some awesome booth-neighbors]
dad- "look at all these lesbians, I bet you're like in...lesbian heaven..."
booth-neighbor lady with gorgeous eyes- "niccccce."
me- "LESBIANS! I want one."





Elisa- Rock Your Soul


Church? State? Not a combined entity?


2009 is definitely proving itself as the year of change.
6 states with legalized gay marriage and now the proposition of removing "In God we Trust" from all legal documentation and the argument over the seperation of church and state and the public school system.

the seperation if church and state definitely DOES NOT exist in frisco, texas. yet.
...and we definitely made it onto the news for this...lame.

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sex : teenager :: food : dog.