As of recent I have come to terms with myself in the realization that...I dont know who I am anymore and move from day to day wanting to end my life. I feel so useless and like everything I've been doing is all such a waste. There's a saying that says "ignorance is bliss" and I'm starting to feel the meaning of that because throughout this year of college and the classes I've been in I have learned possible more than I would ever want to know about the world I live in. In my mind right now everything around me seems corrupted and fake; people, government, the lands, everything... And I have no control over anything...not even the way my own body functions. I'm wondering if it's even remotely normal to feel like this everyday or if there is someone else out there feeling the same depression as me. If there is, I want to meet them and we can heal one another.

Another thing Ive realized is that I have an intensely difficult time crying. I feel like Im crying inside but I cant do it on the outside. I know its strange to want to cry, but I think it would be a great release of tension right now.

Everyday I wake up and repeat the word "hope" in my head over and over and over, so I can make it through just one more day...one more day...