LMN

First off, I think I need a different blog name.
No one reads this.

Except Kiaya. and thank you dear.

Second, Im battling something far beyond my limits. I want the girl back, like I said before maybe 6 entries ago? Yes, I still love her, yes, I still want her back and I want her to be the one holding me and kissing my forehead and fingertips. Its just that...Im scared shitless that when I tell her how I feel she'll disregard its heartfeltness and only go on in her bitter contempt. When we started talking again she said she only wanted to be civil, no 'best buddies' or anything like that...so if I cant even be her friend then how will I ever break the barrier again?

Its racking my brain, eating it up rather, to the point where Im about to go insane and Im forcing myself to do things to make myself potentially happy. Example: running, yoga, anything endorphin spurring [pseudo-happiness :D] YIPPEE.

Mother of god, what am I doing wrong?
How do I go about talking to her?
Should I just write her a letter?
Email?
Or is that too impersonal?
I cant just walk up to her and start jabbering about how much I feel for her...that would freak her out, OR it could stir the old feelings deep down in her black heart and she could embrace me telling me how much she loves me too.

No one can tell me any good suggestions, sister says to just tell her, aunt says to look to god...i cant really do that NOW CAN I? ex boyfriend says to forget her and good guy friend also says the same thing.

Time is running out.