Songs of My Past.


In respond to my ex-girlfriends latest blog post I will write about the effects of her mix CD on me the week after our breakup.

My junior year of high school and her sophomore year encompassed the grueling 8-month long relationship we held. At the time I was dating a girl, with no considerable amount of class whatsoever, whom I now officially regret dating...but hey it taught me a lesson; Lauren opened a door for a better life when I couldnt find one myself. We met at our school's homecoming dance that year and we hit it off rather quickly after that which soon spiraled into nights of secret conversations where we divulged our passion for one another and regrettable...wasted a lot of the time we could have spent together...while I tried to figure out how to get out of the relationship I had currently been stuck in.

May 7th, 2008...I finally found that day to leave the abusive relationship I was in and I was finally free to be Lauren's. That weekend was full of Senior Directed Showcases, which Lauren and I were both a big part of so we put on our fancy blacks and jumped into the rush of stage production and finished every night with huge smiles on our faces. That weekend we became one; an official couple.

Two weeks, shortly after that amazing weekend I was in a terrible horse accident [which I have blogged about prior...] and being stuck in an ER for 6+ hours while in a neck brace and straped to a hospital bed made it impossible to text or call my darling girlfriend to inform her about my condition. So she gets pissed and when I show up to school the next day without her knowing Id be there she gets even more pissed and calls it quits. We [she and I] have both agreed that she is irrational by nature.

And thus comes...Songs About Bek: the mix CD of songs that supposedly reminded her of me, that she gave to me for my birthday the week after the breakup. The songs were:

  • For What Its Worth [the cardigans]
  • You're the Storm [the cardigans]
  • I Will Follow You Into The Dark [death cab for cutie]
  • This Land Is Mine [dido]
  • White Flag [dido]
  • A Song For You [donny hathaway]
  • Better Days [goo goo dolls]
  • Minuet [idina menzel]
  • Morning Lullabies [ingrid michaelson]
  • The Way I Am [ingrid michaelson]
  • Far Away [ingrid michaelson]
  • The Hat [ingrid michaelson]
  • Suitcase [joe purdy]
  • Mary May [joe purdy]
  • Somewhere Only We Know [keane]
  • Take On Me [sara bareilles]
  • Between The Lines [sara bareilles]
  • Love Me Slow [shoshana bean]
  • Home [shoshana bean]
I used to listen to these songs out of pity for myself and for the longest time used them as a means of punishment for myself because I let her go so easily and lost what I thought at the time was the best thing to happen in my life [in reality she probably still is one of the better things to happen to me]. Then there came a time when I finally let go one string at a time of her attachment to my heart and let the songs become a sort of celebration for something good I did have at one time. I would listen to them when I was feeling out of sorts, lost, lonely and even when I thought I would never find another lover...and Im still waiting for the day when I can blog about a new love in my life...someday. Now, the songs have been stowed away as happy, sad, melodramatic and unbearingly true memories of my past. It may sound weird but I can listen to the songs as single elements...but when any of them are played in succession it still brings back few tears beause in reality...one can never forget their first true love or the songs that wound that love together.

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