Dec 2nd

My last blog was the stupidest thing I have ever written. Oh well, we move on.

Our first TA (Tolerance Alliance) meeting was yesterday and it went...alright. Lauren seemed a little frazzled but she still spoke professionally (no voice shaking like I usually do). The 'meeting' was a casual grouping of supporters and gay students all meshed together in the art room eating pizza, chatting and getting to know one another. We tried to brainstorm volunteer opportunities to promote tolerance around the school but we were kind of brainDEAD by that point, hopefully we can come up with some creative things soon; our next meeting is Dec. 15th. 

On another note, its only our 2nd day back in school after what seemed like a VERY short week long Thanksgiving break. It gets shorter and shorter every year. But anyways so it's only the 2nd day back and I am already overloaded with art projects, english projects, newspaper stories and design, an orchestra concert and 4 tests that all have to be done soon. I've also had multiple emotional breakdowns, but Im finding ways to curb the hurt. I flat out RAN 2 miles after the TA meeting yesterday because its so hard to look at her and know I cant have her back. Im doing yoga tonight so I can get over the frustration of sitting on stage waiting a whole hour to even begin rehearsal- all the while everyone BUT my orchestra director is ready to start. 

Im a big mess right now but Im playing like everything is cool.
Have I built too much of a wall?
Should I finally get some help?
I think Im in the acceptance stage of knowing that Ill die young.

2 discussions:

KayakMango said...

im sorry i havent had time to talk the past few days. i ahve so many final papers and projects. im feeling very pressured. ahhhh. im proud of you for running more. and you can always txt me

Gina said...

I can relate to the going insane about "not having her back". I just recently got over a 3yr relationship that I thought was good until she said "It was over, lets be friends" I was confused as fuck, and now she text me and flirts with me like everything is okay, but the whole time my heart hurts. Everyone says time will make everything better. Maybe they're right. Focus on things that make you exceptionally happy.