Sorry, sorry, for making your life a living hell! RANT.

I have so many reasons to complain about my classes this year.

Senior year is a joke.

First off, I've been jumbled into a classroom full of naive, immature sophomores, juniors and believe it or not...SENIORS. It's a regular class and the fact that I found a loophole to get into psychology in the first place is reason to suppress complaint but I CANT STAND THE IDIOCY. Bigots [crime intended], Jesus-freaks [no crime intended] and mary jane lovers [just...SAD]; those are my main options for social interaction in my last class of the day. Not only are they socially and immorally inept but they find every possible free second to gossip or bag on someone harmless to them. FOR EXAMPLE: me, lesbian, beautiful [haha], intelligent, sophisticated and collected...THEY dont like that. But I secretly [although not so secret after this goes public] love making them feel like retards, and its effortless so the more the merrier.

Second; Ex Girlfriend has her little spies around school watching and documenting my every move to translate back to her, she then harasses me about everything I do and I laugh heartily. I am so out of her league and she knows it, and hates it.

Third; Leading 4+ organizations with the bitchiest people alive is wrecking my sanity [...oh wait, I dont have any] but regardless...its killing my patience with ignorance. First I decided and agreed to help navigate a GSA through our super conservative nation of Frisco with Ex Girlfriendette [the better of the two exes, although they rank pretty equal on the asshole scale] who believes shes the shit-and-a-bag-of-chips for every lesbian on earth WHICH makes her cocky, vile and vindictive. And then there's newspaper, I LOVE WRITING but not when it includes senile and non-productive and overly-loud women who have their heads stuck up their butts so far that they cant even see their own bodies going to waste. Third target...F.O.R. [friends of rachel, off-shoot of rachel's challenge campaign]. I am never informed of the meeting times until the morning of which I find absolutely ridiculous since Im the ambassador. I should be informing the members. I should have direct contact with the leaders. Fourth, ORCHESTRA- biggest waste of my daily 2 morning hours. Fin rant.

Fourth; ITS HARD ENOUGH WAKING UP IN THE F-ING MORNING WHEN MY BODY HURTS MORE THAN IT SHOULD FOR THE AVERAGE 17-YEAR OLD. THEREFORE: RAMBLINGS OF AN UNAVERAGE LESBIAN. 

A Recollection on the Mistakes of My Past.

Over the course of this blog the opinions stated reflect only those of RNC, the author of this spectacular blog, and while they are bitter and ill-equipped towards 3 singular girls, collectively The Battleground Scars of My Past, there had also been really wonderful times with every single girl. So carry on, enjoy my smart-ass biting comments and imagine how my life functions through these oh so perfect matches to my heart. 

TMD

-the transgender bisexual with the 9-year old boy haircut that most every girl, straight or gay fawned over whilst no guy ever stepped near her. most commonly known to make promises and then break them easily without any slight discomfort to her conscious. cheats openly and dismisses the events as accidents and then asks for forgiveness repetitively. thinks suicidal threats are the cure for everything and doesnt know when to move on. biggest mistake of my life.

LMN

-the gorgeous, angry lesbian that works in a prestigious hair salon with near a dozen other gay men and women and has a mad obsession with a certain actress. her hormones are raging storms of fury and she is constantly visualizing her fantasy woman. known to jump to conclusions and act out eratically often hurting her current girlfriends feelings. doesnt think rationally, ever, and overreacts about most benign situations and sees herself as the god reincarnate in lesbian, woman form. and all the while i feel the need to punch a wall because of her...i will never regret it, or call HER a mistake and i wish i could have gotten another chance. and STILL DO.

BAJ

-the super dyke of the metroplex, soon to be state champion wrestler, 160 weight class. acts sweet, often repeating the same things over and over, leaving room for assumption that her head is filled with bubbles but as soon as sparked she turns into a mega-bitch. has the audacity to expunge racial slurs from her mind toward her current girlfriend of who she didnt seem to catch onto having a bi-racial niece of whom she loves more than anything in the world. tries but doesnt understand her current girlfriends situation and disregards most of the issues. a disaster in the making. 

Hopefully [BAJ] is my last mistake for a while. Lord have mercy, I would just rather be single.

Do you remember?

Do you remember when we were carefree
and senseless, open-minded yet closed-on
one another face to face?
When we could care less about the world
around and only what happened inside our
two-morphed soul?
To the time when our eyes glittered over and
we daydreamed of the others simple touch?
When that touch burned and we knew it was
the best, the fire-lit passion within us?
Do you remember that day, the room was
bright with skylight blues and pure white,
when nothing seemed between us and we let
it surround us, folding us in; together?
It was so serene.

Do you remember fighting for one another,
hiding for one another, being that ONE for
one another?
How about the countless hour driven
explorations of one another hearts, delving
into our darkest pasts, sharing, loving,
enveloping?
To the time when we only glowed of the
highest shine and nothing so dark as below
the reaches of the sea, we were golden baby,
you and me, when we thought we would be
lasting, infinite, free-to-be?

The time when I would smooth your hair
after you were upset or Id sneak up and hug
you from behind?
--------------------------------------
I am always wondering if she'll ever remember.

LMN

First off, I think I need a different blog name.
No one reads this.

Except Kiaya. and thank you dear.

Second, Im battling something far beyond my limits. I want the girl back, like I said before maybe 6 entries ago? Yes, I still love her, yes, I still want her back and I want her to be the one holding me and kissing my forehead and fingertips. Its just that...Im scared shitless that when I tell her how I feel she'll disregard its heartfeltness and only go on in her bitter contempt. When we started talking again she said she only wanted to be civil, no 'best buddies' or anything like that...so if I cant even be her friend then how will I ever break the barrier again?

Its racking my brain, eating it up rather, to the point where Im about to go insane and Im forcing myself to do things to make myself potentially happy. Example: running, yoga, anything endorphin spurring [pseudo-happiness :D] YIPPEE.

Mother of god, what am I doing wrong?
How do I go about talking to her?
Should I just write her a letter?
Email?
Or is that too impersonal?
I cant just walk up to her and start jabbering about how much I feel for her...that would freak her out, OR it could stir the old feelings deep down in her black heart and she could embrace me telling me how much she loves me too.

No one can tell me any good suggestions, sister says to just tell her, aunt says to look to god...i cant really do that NOW CAN I? ex boyfriend says to forget her and good guy friend also says the same thing.

Time is running out.