Today, I interviewed a woman who is terminally ill. "So," I tried to delicately ask, "What is it like to wake up every morning and know that you are dying?" "Well," she responded, "What is it like to wake up every morning and pretend that you are not?" MMT

My aunt always used to say that I was a "worry wart" because I was always scared all the time when I was younger. I think maybe some people are born scared. Maybe my mom was scared when she was pregnant with me and her fear became my fear.

I always worry about when my dad will leave us for the greater God, how my mom will handle it; or when my grandmother passes, how my mom will deal with it. She doesnt seem very strong...and it scares me. My mom is the most important person in my life, she always has been and I think Im worried about losing her the most.

When will the components of selfishness and selflessness become equal entities within me?

My Daily Rations: The Pills That Keep Me Alive.

Pristiq: (desvenlafaxine)

This is the anti-depressant I am taking to treat dually the pain from my endometriosis as well as the depression caused by the onset of constant chronic pain. I like the shape of the pill, for some reason it makes taking 6+ pills daily a little better.

Fish Oil/Omega-3:

This is good for mood swings and overall cheerfulness, I guess is a good way to say it. I take it as a suppliment to Pristiq because its more of a homeopathic approach to treating depression and Im all for herbal medicine.

Magnesium:

Also a suppliment to Pristiq. Its also good for helping me maintain strong bones and somewhat alleviates the symptoms of menopause.

Calcium:

Keeps my bones strong while Im in "medical menopause", preventing osteoporosis and osteoarthritis. (I still have bad arthritis, but its caused by some accidents Ive had in the past).

Iron:

Good for heart and blood health. I need both of these seeing as I have a heart murmur and anemia. Its my favorite because its a cute little red pill. (...hey, I have to make this fun in some way)

Potassium:

For my muscle elasticity and my blood health. Being a runner and a newly christened ballerina I need all the potassium I can get to keep my muscles and joints supple and healthy. I take suppliments because Im allergic to bananas and was having a hard time getting all of the potassim I needed.

Well there you have it. The torture Im put through day-to-day. HA.

Ways to stay happy.

• sing with all your might
• eat that brownie you've been craving for a week
• go running because you WANT to, not to lose weight
• smile even if your world is falling apart
• wake up and put on clothes that make you feel put together, even if you're staying in all day
• lay out in the grass and watch the clouds float by
• spend hours upon hours at the library
• watch the sun rise
• dream
• dance like no one's watching
• write letters to family members and friends reminding them of how much you love them
• play with makeup
• paint
• imagine the world with fluorescent colors
• paint your nails
• do something out of your comfort zone
• learn a funny, new word
• dont step on that scale
• rearrange a room
• make a collage
• to be continued...

A lesson in protein consumption.

So up until an hour ago all I have eaten the entire day was a pancake with peanut butter and lite syrup, some multigrain chips and some strawberries and Im sitting here wondering why I feel like crap.

I HADNT GOTTEN ANY PROTEIN!

Protein is vital.